My Disability Makes My Sex Life Even Hotter

From the New York Times, I'm Anna Martin. This is Modern Love, and my guest today is Kyla Harris. I hadn't been talking to Kyla for very long before the two of us were discussing her urethra. Now, talking about your urethra with someone you've just met might be uncomfortable for some people.

I would say probably most people. But Kyla has lots of experience talking about how her body feels, how it works, what it needs. Kyla is disabled. That's how she describes herself. And her disability means that she needs someone there to help her use the bathroom, make food, take a shower.

Everything she wants or needs to do is a group project. And that becomes especially interesting when it comes to her sex life. Kyla is super open about that too and I will say we get pretty explicit in this conversation

she made a TV show called We Might Regret This that's full of funny, intimate scenes and it's inspired by what it's been like for her to live and love and get it on as a disabled person

our conversation made me blush which is not easy to make me do it made me snort laugh which actually unfortunately is kind of easy to make me do

and it made me totally rethink what intimacy can mean. Kyla Harris, welcome to Modern Love. Thanks, Hannah. I feel very welcomed. Okay, Kyla, you had an accident that changed your life when you were 15 years old.

But even before all of that happened, I want a picture of 15-year-old you. What was happening in your world? Were you dating? Did you have crushes? What was going on? Oh my gosh. Yeah. I think 15-year-old me was this kind of nubile character that was starting to really understand the power of sexuality. And I was already incredibly developed. So I had the tits and ass to rival J-Lo.

Nubile and tits and ass. I'm loving the range here. Those are my references. is. I love it. Okay, yes, J-Lo. So, yeah, I mean, it was, you know, when I was growing up, it was an era of the kind of heroine chic, and I felt like I really wasn't represented out there.

And I had this incredibly curvy body. I had, you know, large breasts, a large bum, and I was so relieved when I saw J-Lo come kind of twerking into the scene because it felt like I was finally seeing myself out there. Were you curious about sex at this point in your life? So yeah, I definitely had sexual experiences. The first time that I was fingered was on a ski bus when we were going on a

ski trip. Isn't there so many layers of clothing involved in skiing? I mean, this is cool. This is Next level, right? I just want a next level, really. I really don't ski, but in my imagination, a ski suit is like a onesie. Like getting the fingers in there would be very difficult.

Yeah, yeah. No, it was, and I don't know, there was like the thrill of being on a bus because we were on a bus like with the other students and I tried to give my first hand job, which was, I would say, not successful. I wouldn't ask him. I don't know. You're on a bus. Don't be sorry to yourself if you're on a bus.

Thank you. Yeah, and probably in a onesie. So I, and I loved like the thrill of that. Like I loved the thrill of knowing that I was this sexual being and knowing that I could, yeah, just knowing that I could use my body in this way. I'm going to transition. There's no easy way to transition, but I will say you were on a school trip when you had this accident that I referenced at the top of our conversation. Can you tell me whatever you'd like about what happened?

Yeah, so I was on a school trip and I broke my neck and I knew something had happened right away. And when I was, after I'd broken my neck, I was lying there and I remember so distinctly feeling this unbelievable sense of calm and peace. And feeling the light through my eyes, the sunlight through my eyes. I kept my eyes closed.

And it was almost euphoric. And then I said, can everyone just back away? I'll get up. Just give me a couple minutes.

I'm going to get up. But I didn't. And I was, because we were in a really rural area for the school trip, I was strapped to a picnic table and put in a boat and rowed ashore and put in an ambulance and went to the closest hospital. Thank you for sharing that.

your parents come, I assume, quite quickly. Did you have awareness of what was going on? Yeah. So my dad, okay. So my dad was a builder and I'd spent that summer helping him paint exterior, the exterior of houses, do up stuff, whatever he was working on. And I'd saved up money to buy these board shorts that I absolutely loved. And I was wearing these board shorts

and they said, we're going to have to cut these off. And I was devastated. Listen, the 15-year-old in me who also saved up to buy stuff, I'm feeling that hard.

Wait, just to sort of memorialize them, do you remember what they looked like? Oh, 100%. Yeah, I'd say like a hot red with some obviously Hawaiian white hibiscus flowers.

I mean, it was the 90s. God, yeah. So the first thing I felt devastated by was my board shorts being cut off, not the idea that I broke my neck. Did you feel like indignation, disbelief?

Do you remember what was running through your mind? Yeah. Oh, completely. Completely.

You know, I felt absolutely indignation. And I also felt like immediately I was like, oh, gosh, this is just a bone that's going to have to heal. I thought it's just going to be like a broken arm. It's just a bit more annoying because I'm probably going to have to wear a neck brace.

but I'm sure I'll be fine in three months. And I remember calling my best friend and saying, in three months' time, we're going to be, why don't you come around and let's go skiing again.

So the extent had not sunk in yet. No, and then soon after, this doctor came in who my mom and I later called Dr. Doom. Dr. Doom.

And he, yeah, you get that. A sense in where this is going. Yeah, you can imagine. And he came in and he said, you're never going to be able to walk again to me and my mom. no i'm sorry no um cushioning no

sensitivity empathy that i was a young girl who had just had not really not understood what was