Lend or Borrow, Remember or Remind: Who Is Doing What to Whom

1Both pairs break the same way

Lend and borrow have nothing to do with remember and remind, yet learners get them wrong for identical reasons. Seeing the shared pattern makes both pairs easier at once.

Each pair has a GIVER and a RECEIVER, and English uses a different verb for each role. Many languages use one verb and let the grammar sort out who is who. English does not — the verb itself tells you.

I lend you a book; you borrow it from me. I remind you of the meeting; you remember it. In each case one word belongs to the person providing and the other to the person receiving. Choosing the wrong one does not produce nonsense — it produces a sentence in which the roles are swapped.

That is what makes these persistent. "Can you borrow me your pen?" is instantly understood, so nobody corrects it, so it survives for years. The listener does the repair silently and moves on.

Fill in both: (a) Could you ___ me your charger? (b) Could I ___ your charger?

(a) lend — you are the giver. (b) borrow — I am the receiver. Same request, two directions, two verbs.

Tip: Before choosing, ask which side of the transaction you are on. Giving out is lend and remind; taking in is borrow and remember.

2Lend: you give it out

Lend belongs to the person who owns the thing and hands it over temporarily.

lend + person + thing, or lend + thing + TO + person. I lent him my car. I lent my car to him.

Can you lend me ten dollars? — you give, I receive
She lent me her notes. — she gives
I lent my bike to my brother. — with to
The bank lends money. — its business is giving it out
Could you lend me a hand? — an idiom meaning help

The past and participle are both lent, not lended. It is irregular: lend / lent / lent. "He lended me a book" is a common error and an easy one to fix.

"Can you borrow me your pen?" is the single most frequent error in this pair. Borrow cannot take a person as its indirect object, so it can never mean give. You want lend.

In American English, loan is also used as a verb meaning lend: "He loaned me his car." It is standard there and slightly unusual in British English, where loan is more often the noun.

Tip: Lend me a hand is worth learning as a chunk. It is common, friendly, and uses lend in a way that cannot be confused with borrow.

3Borrow: you take it in

Borrow belongs to the person receiving, and its grammar is more restricted than lend's.

borrow + thing + FROM + person. I borrowed a book from the library. There is no version with a person as indirect object.

Can I borrow your pen? — I receive
I borrowed this from my sister. — from marks the source
He borrows money from everyone. — a habit
You can borrow it for a week. — duration
I borrowed you a pen. — WRONG, no such structure

The last line is the key structural fact. Lend can take two objects — lend me a pen — but borrow cannot. There is no "borrow me" in English at all, in any context, which makes it a clean rule with no exceptions.

Borrow always implies returning. If you take something permanently, you do not borrow it — you take it or are given it. "Can I borrow a piece of paper?" is technically odd because you will not return it, though native speakers say it anyway.

Borrow is regular: borrow / borrowed / borrowed. Only lend is irregular, which is a small mercy.

Tip: If you catch yourself about to say "borrow me", the repair is either "lend me" or "can I borrow". Both are correct; pick whichever arrives first.

4The prepositions that give it away

You can often tell which verb you need just by noticing which preposition is trying to appear.

TO goes with lend, because things move away toward someone. FROM goes with borrow, because things move in from someone.

I lent it to him. — to, giving
I borrowed it from him. — from, receiving
I lent it from him. — wrong
I borrowed it to him. — wrong
She lends money to students. — to
Students borrow money from the bank. — from

This mirrors a wider pattern in English: to marks a destination and from marks a source. Give to, send to, pass to; take from, receive from, get from. Lend and borrow sit neatly inside that system rather than being arbitrary.

So if you are unsure, build the sentence with the preposition first. If from feels right, the verb is borrow. If to feels right, it is lend.

With lend the preposition is optional when the person comes first: "I lent him my car" needs no to. It becomes necessary when the thing comes first: "I lent my car to him."

Tip: This to/from test also works for the teach/learn pair in section ten, which is the same problem wearing different clothes.

5Remember: it comes back to you

Remember is the receiving side of the second pair. It happens inside your own head.

You remember something. Nobody remembers you. The subject of remember is the person doing the recalling.

I remember his name. — it is in my head
Do you remember me? — asking if I am in your memory
I can't remember where I put it. — my own failure
Remember to lock the door. — an instruction to yourself
I remind his name. — WRONG, that is not what remind does

Remember is intransitive in the sense that matters here: it does not involve a second person causing anything. If someone else is making the memory happen, you need remind.

Note that the negative is usually "I can't remember" rather than "I don't remember", which sounds slightly more final. Both are correct; can't is far more common in speech.

Remember and remind are close enough in sound that learners sometimes swap them at speed even when they know the rule. If you hear yourself say "remind" with no second person in the sentence, that was the wrong one.

Tip: Remember takes no person after it, ever. If a person follows the verb, it must be remind.

6Remind: someone makes you remember

Remind is the giving side. It always involves two people: one causing the memory, one having it.

remind + PERSON + about/of/to. There is always a person directly after remind.

Remind me about the meeting. — you cause my memory
She reminded me to call him. — with an infinitive
This song reminds me of my childhood. — of, for resemblance
Can you remind him? — person required
Remind about the meeting. — WRONG, person missing

The structural rule is identical to tell: remind always needs its person, exactly as tell does. If you know that "tell that he was late" is wrong, you already know that "remind about the meeting" is wrong for the same reason.

The causer does not have to be a person: "This photo reminds me of home", "The alarm reminds me to take my pills." Things can remind you, and that use is extremely common.

"He reminded me his name" is wrong — you need of: "He reminded me of his name", or more naturally "He told me his name again." Missing prepositions after remind are the second most common error in this pair.

Tip: Remind me to… is one of the most useful phrases in everyday English. "Remind me to buy milk" is a request people make constantly, and it is worth having automatic.

7Remind of versus remind about

Both prepositions are correct and they carry genuinely different meanings, which is worth getting right.

remind someone OF something — resemblance

"You remind me of your father." "This place reminds me of Spain." Here one thing calls another to mind because they are similar. No obligation is involved; it is a mental association.

remind someone ABOUT something — a prompt

"Remind me about the dentist appointment." This is a practical prompt so you do not forget a task or an event. It is what you ask a colleague or a partner to do for you.

remind someone TO do something — a prompt with an action

"Remind me to call the bank." The most common of the three in daily use, because most reminders are about doing something rather than about knowing something.

She reminds me of my sister. — they are alike
She reminded me about my sister's birthday. — a prompt
She reminded me to call my sister. — a prompt with an action
You remind me about your father. — wrong; you want of

The first two lines above show how much the preposition carries. One says two people resemble each other; the other says someone prompted you about a date. Same verb, same people, completely different statement.

Tip: If you mean similarity, use of. If you mean do not forget, use about or to. That single split covers essentially every case.

8Remember to do or remember doing

Remember belongs to a small group of verbs where the infinitive and the -ing form mean different things, and this one comes up constantly.

REMEMBER TO DO = the action is in the future; do not forget it. REMEMBER DOING = the action is in the past; you recall it happening.

I remembered to lock the door. — I did not forget, so I locked it
I remember locking the door. — I have a memory of doing it
Remember to post the letter. — an instruction for later
I remember posting the letter. — I recall the moment
Did you remember to call her? — did you do it?
Do you remember calling her? — do you recall it?

The difference matters most when something has gone wrong. "I remember locking the door" is what you say when the door is now open and you are confused. "I remembered to lock the door" is what you say when you did your job properly.

Forget works the same way in reverse: "I forgot to lock the door" means it is unlocked; "I'll never forget locking the door" means the memory stays with you. Stop, try and regret behave similarly.

This is a genuine meaning difference, not a style choice. Getting it backwards tells your listener the opposite of what happened, and because both are grammatical, nothing flags the error.

Tip: Remember to is about the future; remember doing is about the past. If you are giving someone an instruction, it is always remember to.

9Rent, hire and loan

Three neighbouring verbs that involve money and cause their own confusion.

rent — pay to use something for a period

"I rent a flat." Confusingly, rent works in both directions: the tenant rents from the landlord, and the landlord rents to the tenant, or rents it out. The prepositions disambiguate, exactly as with lend and borrow.

hire — British: rent short-term; American: employ

In British English you hire a car for a weekend. In American English hire means to employ someone: "We hired three engineers." This is one of the sharper British-American splits and it causes real confusion in business contexts.

loan — the noun everywhere, the verb in America

"I took out a loan" is the noun and is universal. "He loaned me his car" as a verb is standard American and slightly unusual in British English, where lend is preferred.

I rented a car for the weekend. — I paid to use it
They rent the flat to students. — they are the landlord
We rent from a private landlord. — we are the tenant
I hired a car in Scotland. — British usage
They hired me last year. — American usage, employment

Rent out is the clearest way to say you are the one providing: "We rent out our spare room." Without out, rent is ambiguous until the preposition arrives.

Tip: For a car in Britain, hire; in America, rent. Neither is wrong in the other country, but each is the local default and using the other marks you as foreign more than it causes confusion.

10Teach and learn, the same trap

This pair breaks in exactly the way lend and borrow do, and it is worth including because the fix is the same.

TEACH is the giver, LEARN is the receiver. "She taught me English" and "I learned English from her" describe the same event from the two sides.

She taught me to drive. — she gives
I learned to drive from her. — I receive
She learned me to drive. — WRONG, a well-known error
He teaches maths. — his job
I'm learning Spanish. — I receive

"She learned me" appears in older English and in some dialects, which is why you may see it in fiction. In standard modern English it is an error, and a conspicuous one.

Learn and study are also worth separating: study is the activity, learn is the result. "I studied for three hours but I didn't learn much" is a perfectly coherent sentence, and it shows the difference cleanly.

Notice the shared shape across all four pairs in this article: lend/borrow, remind/remember, teach/learn. Giver and receiver, two verbs, one direction each. Once you see the pattern, you are learning three things at once rather than three separate facts.

Tip: Learn from is the receiving construction, matching borrow from. The parallel is exact, and it is a useful hook for remembering both.

11Thirty sentences, corrected

Cover the right-hand side and fix each one before you look. These are the errors that appear most often in real learner English.

Can you borrow me your pen? → Can you lend me your pen?
I borrowed him some money → I lent him some money
He lended me his car → He lent me his car
I lent this book from the library → I borrowed this book from the library
Can I lend your charger? → Can I borrow your charger?
I borrowed it to my brother → I lent it to my brother
She learned me to swim → She taught me to swim
I taught English from a good teacher → I learned English from a good teacher
Remind about the meeting tomorrow → Remind me about the meeting tomorrow
He reminded me his name → He reminded me of his name
This song reminds me my childhood → This song reminds me of my childhood
Can you remember me to call her? → Can you remind me to call her?
I remind his birthday every year → I remember his birthday every year
You remind me about your father (resemblance) → You remind me of your father
I remembered locking the door, so I locked it → I remembered to lock the door
Remember locking the door before you leave → Remember to lock the door before you leave
Did you remember calling her? (did you do it) → Did you remember to call her?
I forgot locking the door, it's open → I forgot to lock the door, it's open
I don't can remember his name → I can't remember his name
She lent me a hand with the boxes → correct as written
We rent our flat to students → correct as written
I rented a car from a company → correct as written
They hired me last month (American) → correct as written
I took a loan from the bank → correct as written
Can I borrow it for a week? → correct as written
He borrows money to everyone → He borrows money from everyone
I studied English for years but didn't learn much → correct as written
The alarm reminds me taking my pills → The alarm reminds me to take my pills
I lent my car for my brother → I lent my car to my brother
Remind me buying milk → Remind me to buy milk

Tip: Seven of these are already correct. If you changed them, you are pattern-matching rather than reading — which is exactly what happens under time pressure in an exam.

12Fixing direction verbs through use

Every pair in this article is a word-order and role problem rather than a meaning problem, and that determines how you fix it.

Knowing the rule does not help much, because these errors happen at conversational speed, before any rule can be consulted. What helps is having produced the correct form aloud enough times that it arrives first. This is a motor habit more than a knowledge one.

It also explains why reading about lend and borrow for the fifth time changes nothing. You already know which is which. The gap is between knowing and producing, and only production closes it.

Pick one pair per day rather than trying to fix all four at once
Say ten sentences aloud where you are the giver, then ten where you are the receiver
In real conversations, notice the preposition — from and to give the verb away
Save whole sentences from real content, since the roles live in the word order
Ask someone to lend you something, out loud, before you next need to

The one-pair-per-day approach matters. Learners who try to fix lend, borrow, remind, remember, teach and learn in a single session usually end up more confused than when they started, because the pairs interfere with each other in memory.

Tip: FlexiLingo puts interactive subtitles on YouTube and podcasts, so you can click any word to see its meaning and CEFR level and save it with the full sentence — which matters here because the verb alone tells you nothing about who was giving and who was receiving.

Frequently asked questions

What is the difference between lend and borrow?

Lend belongs to the giver and borrow to the receiver. "Can you lend me your pen?" and "Can I borrow your pen?" are the same request from the two sides. The prepositions confirm it: you lend something TO someone and borrow something FROM someone. Note that borrow can never take a person as an indirect object, so "borrow me your pen" does not exist in English.

Why is "Can you borrow me your pen?" wrong?

Because borrow means receive, so the sentence asks the other person to take your pen from you. Borrow also cannot take a person as an indirect object in any context. The fix is either "Can you lend me your pen?" or "Can I borrow your pen?" — both are correct and equally common.

What is the difference between remember and remind?

Remember happens inside your own head with no second person involved: "I remember his name." Remind means someone or something causes you to remember, and it always takes a person directly after it: "Remind me about the meeting." If a person follows the verb it must be remind; if not, it must be remember.

Is it "remind me of" or "remind me about"?

Both, with different meanings. Remind me OF means resemblance: "You remind me of your father" — you are alike. Remind me ABOUT means a practical prompt: "Remind me about the appointment." And remind me TO is a prompt with an action attached: "Remind me to call the bank", which is the most common of the three in daily life.

What is the difference between "remember to do" and "remember doing"?

Remember to do is about the future — do not forget it: "Remember to lock the door." Remember doing is about the past — you recall it happening: "I remember locking the door." The difference matters most when something has gone wrong, and because both are grammatical, getting them backwards tells your listener the opposite of what happened.

Why do I keep making these mistakes even though I know the rules?

Because these errors happen at conversational speed, before any rule can be consulted, and because the wrong version is always understood — so nobody corrects you and the habit never gets punished. The fix is production rather than study: say ten sentences aloud as the giver and ten as the receiver, one pair at a time. Trying to fix all four pairs in one session usually makes things worse.