The language of politeness

the smallest topic, the largest effectA1

In one line

In France, Bonjour before any sentence is compulsory — and omitting it counts as plain rudeness, far more than a visitor expects.

Nouns

FrenchPronunciationEnglish
la politesse/pɔ.li.tɛs/politeness
le respect/ʁɛs.pɛ/respect
l'excuse (f.)/ɛks.kyz/apology
le remerciement/ʁə.mɛʁ.si.mɑ̃/thanks
le service/sɛʁ.vis/service, favour
la faveur/fa.vœʁ/favour
le plaisir/plɛ.ziʁ/pleasure
la gêne/ʒɛn/inconvenience, embarrassment

Phrases

Greeting and leaving

FrenchPronunciationWhen
Bonjour/bɔ̃.ʒuʁ/until about six
Bonsoir/bɔ̃.swaʁ/from the evening on
Salut/sa.ly/informal — both hello and goodbye
Au revoir/o ʁə.vwaʁ/goodbye
Bonne journée/bɔn ʒuʁ.ne/have a good day
Bonne soirée/bɔn swa.ʁe/have a good evening
Bonne nuit/bɔn nɥi/good night — only at bedtime
À bientôt/a bjɛ̃.to/see you soon
À demain/a də.mɛ̃/see you tomorrow
Bon week-end/bɔ̃ wi.kɛnd/have a good weekend

Thanks and replies

FrenchPronunciationEnglish
Merci/mɛʁ.si/thank you
Merci beaucoup/mɛʁ.si bo.ku/thank you very much
Merci bien/mɛʁ.si bjɛ̃/thanks
Je vous remercie/ʒə vu ʁə.mɛʁ.si/I thank you — formal
De rien/də ʁjɛ̃/you're welcome
Je vous en prie/ʒə vu.z‿ɑ̃ pʁi/you're welcome — formal
Il n'y a pas de quoi/il nja pa də kwa/don't mention it
Avec plaisir/a.vɛk plɛ.ziʁ/with pleasure
C'est gentil/sɛ ʒɑ̃.ti/that's kind

Apologies

FrenchPronunciationWeight
Pardon/paʁ.dɔ̃/light — bumping into someone, squeezing past
Excusez-moi/ɛks.ky.ze mwa/medium — interrupting
Je suis désolé(e)/ʒə sɥi de.zo.le/serious — genuine regret
Je m'excuse/ʒə mɛks.kyz/counted as incorrect in formal French
Désolé de vous déranger/de.zo.le də vu de.ʁɑ̃.ʒe/sorry to bother you
Ce n'est pas grave/sɛ pa ɡʁav/it's fine
Ce n'est rien/sə nɛ ʁjɛ̃/it's nothing

Je m'excuse literally means "I excuse myself" — and it is considered wrong in France. Say Excusez-moi. (In Quebec it is more accepted.)

English uses "sorry" for all three levels; French splits them. See remercier-sexcuser.

Polite requests

Less politePoliteVery polite
Je veux… /ʒə vø/Je voudrais… /ʒə vu.dʁɛ/Je souhaiterais… /ʒə su.ɛ.tʁɛ/
Donnez-moi… /dɔ.ne.mwa/Pouvez-vous me donner… /pu.ve.vu mə dɔ.ne/Pourriez-vous me donner… /pu.ʁje.vu mə dɔ.ne/
Où est… ? /u ɛ/Excusez-moi, où est… ? /ɛks.ky.ze.mwa u ɛ/Excusez-moi de vous déranger, où est… ? /ɛks.ky.ze.mwa də vu de.ʁɑ̃.ʒe u ɛ/
Répétez. /ʁe.pe.te/Vous pouvez répéter ? /vu pu.ve ʁe.pe.te/Pourriez-vous répéter, s'il vous plaît ? /pu.ʁje.vu ʁe.pe.te sil vu plɛ/

French politeness comes mainly from the conditional — voudrais, pourriez, auriez. See conditionnel-present.

English hedges with extra words — "could you possibly", "I was wondering if" — and French changes the verb form instead. Stacking English-style hedges onto French sounds laboured rather than polite.

Situational formulas

FrenchWhenPronunciation
Bon appétit !before eating/bɔ.n‿a.pe.ti/
Santé !
À la vôtre !
when drinking/sɑ̃.te/ · /a la votʁ/
Bonne chance !before an exam or interview/bɔn ʃɑ̃s/
Bon courage !to somebody facing something difficult/bɔ̃ ku.ʁaʒ/
Bon rétablissement !to somebody ill/ʁe.ta.blis.mɑ̃/
Félicitations !congratulations/fe.li.si.ta.sjɔ̃/
Bienvenue !welcome/bjɛ̃v.ny/
Bon voyage !have a good trip/bɔ̃ vwa.jaʒ/
Meilleurs vœux !best wishes, happy new year/mɛ.jœʁ vø/
À vos souhaits !after somebody sneezes/a vo su.ɛ/

French has a formula for far more situations than English does. Bon appétit, Bon courage, Bonne continuation, Bon rétablissement — English has no everyday equivalent for most of these, and their absence from your speech is noticeable.

Verbs

VerbPronunciationEnglish
remercier/ʁə.mɛʁ.sje/to thank
s'excuser/sɛks.ky.ze/to apologise
déranger/de.ʁɑ̃.ʒe/to disturb
saluer/sa.lɥe/to greet
tutoyer/ty.twa.je/to address as tu
vouvoyer/vu.vwa.je/to address as vous
serrer la main/sɛ.ʁe la mɛ̃/to shake hands
faire la bise/fɛʁ la biz/to kiss on the cheek

Traps

TrapExplanation
Bonjour is compulsoryEntering a shop, starting a call, addressing any stranger — without it you are being rude.
Not twice in one day to the same personThe second time, Re-bonjour or just a smile.
Bonne nuit only at bedtimeFor an evening goodbye, Bonne soirée.
Do not use Je m'excuseExcusez-moi is correct.
Salut is both hello and goodbyeAnd only with someone you call tu.
Start with vousThe other person will propose switching to tu.
De rien and Je vous en prie mean the sameThe second is more formal.

Bonjour — a rule that is cultural, not linguistic

and why omitting it is more than a language mistake

In France Bonjour is not a pleasantry — it is a precondition.

Without it, anything you say is heard as an order:

❌✅
Un café, s'il vous plaît.Bonjour, un café s'il vous plaît.
Où est la gare ?Bonjour, où est la gare ?

And it applies everywhere: shops, the doctor's, taxis, phone calls, even a lift in your own building.

The cultural reason is that Bonjour acknowledges the other person before you ask them for anything. Without it, they become an instrument.

Three practical rules:

1. Bonjour first, then everything else. Even if you are in a hurry.

2. In small shops, Au revoir and Bonne journée on the way out too.

3. If somebody says Bonjour to you, answer — even a stranger on the stairs of your building.

The reason this catches English speakers specifically is that English carries its politeness elsewhere. In English, "a coffee, please" is a perfectly polite request — the "please" does the work, and a greeting is optional. In French, s'il vous plaît does not substitute for Bonjour. You need both, and the greeting comes first.

So the adjustment is not "be more polite" — you already are. It is "move the politeness to the front".

And in the speaking exam this is assessed. Starting a conversation without Bonjour costs marks under "sociolinguistic appropriateness" — even if the rest of your French is flawless.

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