The Most Eye-Opening Conversation on Marriage & Love You Will Ever Hear (From #1 Divorce Lawyer)

Hey, it's friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. Have you ever gone to a funeral and noticed that as soon as you leave, you have this deep urgency? You're like, I have to allow myself to live my life. Or you go to a wedding and you are reminded of just how extraordinary it is to be in love.

These moments, it's as if the force of life is moving through you. Well, that's going to happen to you as you listen to the conversation today. It will have a transformational and profound effect on you. Because you're about to hear the most important relationship advice.

Our expert today is going to talk about love in a way that you've never heard before. He's also going to teach you the simple habits of successful relationships. For me personally, this is one of the most impactful conversations I have ever had on this podcast, and I cannot wait for you and everybody that you love to experience it.

Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. I am so excited that you're here. It's always an honor to be together. It's always an honor to spend time with you, but today, I can't wait. And if you're a new listener or you're here because someone shared this episode with you,

I want to take a moment and personally welcome you to the Melarovans podcast family. Today, you're going to learn the best relationship advice that you will ever hear. Today's guest, James Sexton, is a world-renowned authority on relationships. But coming from a perspective, you may not expect.

He's the author of the best-selling book, How to Stay in Love. But he also happens to be one of the top divorce attorneys in the world. Which means for decades, he has had a front row seat to the reason why marriage is fall apart. And he's going to tell you, most breakups don't happen because of something catastrophic.

They result from the little mistakes over time that everyone misses. Today he'll teach you what those mistakes are and convince you that a few small changes are the secret to creating, lasting and loving relationships. Without further ado, please help me welcome James Sexton to the Melorobbins podcast. James Sexton, welcome to the Melorobbins podcast. I have so many questions for you,

But where I want to start is this, how could my life be different if I take everything to hurt that you're about to teach me today? And I apply it to my life and my relationship. What could change?

Yeah, I mean, I think, you know, as a practicing divorce lawyer for 25 plus years, I have a really unique vantage point. You know, a lot of relationship advice that people get and people give, it's coming from a psychology background, it's coming from a hypothetical theoretical background.

And again, has tremendous value, but it's not like in the trenches. And it's not this really raw-canded version, because I think people lie to their therapist all the time, but they don't lie to their lawyer.

Like, your doctor and your lawyer are the two people you should never lie to under any circumstances. Everything we're doing is to protect you. And everything we're saying is subject to privilege.

So you can tell us the raw-canded truth. And I think that's created in me a unique perspective on, you know, if you wanted to figure out how to keep your car in good shape, don't talk to the car salesman. All they do is deal with new cars talk to the mechanic. Talk to the person who's seen every way a car can break down and we'll say to you, hey, here's the stress points. Here's where I find this model of car tends to break and

here's how you could shore that up and prevent it. So a lot of what I try to give people instead of like platitudes, like, oh, you need to maintain connection with your stuff. Like, what does that mean? Like, I need to know what that means. Like, if I'm trying to fix my relationship or keep my relationship on track and you say stay connected.

Okay, do you mean like a date night or more sex or should we go on vacation or should I be asking different questions when we're having breakfast together? Should we be having breakfast together?

Like what do you mean? Like I need practical things because there's a lawyer, you know, like it doesn't matter what I know, it matters what I can prove.

So I don't just have to think in these broad ways that maybe a researcher or a psychologist can. I have to think okay, what can demonstrate something? What is evidence to support what it is that I'm putting out?

So I think what you could walk out of this conversation with is a feeling of, I have practical, specific things that I can now bring to my relationship that aren't complicated. They don't require me to buy anything. They just require me to buy into a task or a routine.

And if you can bring that to the table after this conversation, I think you'll actually see challenges in your relationship potentially improve. Or if you're fortunate enough to be in a place where your relationship is strong, you'll find yourself kind of maintaining that. Because you know, it's a whole lot easier to maintain fitness than to let it fall apart and then try to get back on track.

Like those first miles are so hard and that's really what the goal is. Is to help people by learning from the mistakes I've now seen thousands of people make. Just keep their relationship in a good place. I am so excited you're here because I don't want to make those mistakes.

And what's interesting about that example of fitness, as you said, it can be easier to maintain it. I think it's almost equally easy to let it fall off as it is to maintain it. It's really whether or not you understand those little levers when you start to fall off. Because just like fitness, there are probably areas in your relationship right now,

where you are falling off and you don't even realize this is a major mistake that will land you in front of somebody like you James. Yeah, and falling feels like flying for a little while. What do you mean? Like it feels good, you know, like when things are sort of coasting, you kind of go, because there's just so much coming at us.

Yes.