So… Are we all officially breaking up with Ticketmaster?

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This is a CBC podcast. Hey, I'm Gavin Crawford, and if you get really bogged down by all the sad things going on in the world, there's a way to stay somewhat informed, but feel sort of good afterwards. Listen to Because News and hit that follow button.

Because News With Gavin Crawford. Hello everybody. Hello and welcome to Because News, Canada's funniest news quiz. I am Gavin Crawford.

This week, Environment Canada warned us all it's about to get messy. The very same could be said about this week's panel. Let's welcome them in the first chair. How come when a raccoon ran sex a liquor store

and passes out its cute, but when she does it, it's a cry for help? Raise a glass for Alice Moran. Hi!

Hi! Thank you. Hi. And he was pretty shocked to learn

his Spotify age is 91. Guess the kids are not as into Scott Joplin as you thought. Give it up and play some ragtime for Craig Lausanne.

Thanks everybody. Happy to be here. And finally, just like Donald Trump, she's sharper than she was 25 years ago. Unlike Donald Trump, she's able to stay away until the end of the program. Give it up for Martha Chavez.

Alright panel, are you ready to make some games out of the news? Yes! 100% Gavin. Well then, let's do it.

F***! Here we go! Yeah! And I'll get ready, it is time for an altered lyric. That is correct. Please listen, if you will, to this update of a familiar theme song.

And tell me, if you can, the headline news behind it. Hey, it's Hexette. In general cosplay. Doing war crimes.

Every day. Here he comes with all his friends. Helping fishermen meet their ends. It's true.

Hey, it's Hexeth. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

All right, panel, you heard that updated theme song. Can you name the news story behind, Hey, It's Hexeth? Well, unfortunately, a part of my childhood was destroyed this week.

How so, Alice? Heg-Seth used AI to create an upsetting Franklin parody for Twitter. The Globe and Mail headline reads,

Franklin the Turtle gets drafted into Trump's drug wars. If there is an upside, it shows that Pete has a grade three reading level. So over the weekend, US Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth

posted a fake cover of a Franklin book to his social media. It featured the young turtle in full military gear, leaning out of a helicopter with a bazooka blowing boats out of the water.

Oh, Franklin, you kook. Franklin books usually have nice names, like Franklin rides a bike, or Franklin has a sleepover. For a point, what was the title of this phony Franklin book?

Franklin falls for fascism. Yeah. Craig, Franklin goes to high school and causes a lockdown. Dark, right?

It's dark times, man. Martha? Franklin's big boom adventure. Those are all great guesses.

The correct title, it was called Franklin targets narco-terrorists. Aww. Just rolls off the tongue.

The defense secretary posted the fake book cover with the caption, for your Christmas wish list. The publisher is very angry. Kids Can Press said the unauthorized use

of Franklin's image contradicts the character's core values. What core values does Franklin, the turtle, stand for? Well, Franklin has always been a man of the people. Franklin rides a bike is a scathing indictment

of Henry Ford dismantling public transit. Franklin goes to the hospital. It's all about healthcare being free for all. And Franklin's class trip,

that's pretty self-explanatory guess. The publisher says Franklin is a beloved Canadian icon who has inspired generations of children and stands for kindness, empathy, and inclusivity.

What a loser. In case you didn't know, Franklin the Turtle is in fact Canadian. The books have sold 65 million copies in 38 languages,

plus there's a TV show. Franklin has even been bestowed with a great Canadian honour. He was on Murdoch Mysteries. Oh.

Yeah. He played Franklin Roosevelt. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha. Martha, what great Canadian honour does Franklin have? He's the star of the remake of that. Remember that dog that was unhoused?

The littlest hobo. Like, he's now going to be the littlest hobo. The dog that wasn't housed. Except he carries his house around with him.

He could never be the littlest hobo. The dog that wasn't housed. The dog that was where he is. That's why they're making it the littlest homeowner.

Yeah. Starring Franklin, who takes his house everywhere he goes, no matter what the market does. Oh, was he in a just for last gag?

were a nun was sexy? Great honor indeed, Alice. In fact, Franklin has his own postage stamp. Franklin is on stamps.

All of this comes after a week of scrutiny over US military strikes on boats off the coast of Venezuela. The Trump administration claims the boats

house narco terrorists transporting illegal drugs. It is weird though, using a beloved cartoon character to promote military strikes seems a bit beyond the pale even for MAGA.

It begs the question, what beloved childhood books will mega co-op next? Any ideas, panel? Brown Bear, Brown Bear, where are you from?

Ha ha ha. Oh. I like it. It's no white supremacy.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. The cat in the mega hat?

Wow. The Defense Secretary was under fire for the bombing of the boat twice. Pete Hexeth called it fake news, but then days later, the White House admitted the U.S. did bomb the boat a second time. The Defense Secretary said he didn't see that.

Why did he say he didn't see it? He was trying to hide the boner he got after the first strike. Alice? Oh, was he watching Wicked and crying?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Here is the Defense Secretary speaking to reporters.