Bittersweet: The Moth Podcast

Yeah, here is a restaurant, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, a hotel room, I love a feel-good story, a story where things work out in the end that leaves a smile on your face. In fact, I'm hosting a Moth Radio Hour episode filled with feel-good stories that will drop in a few days. So definitely take a listen once it's out.

But for this podcast episode, I wanted to do something a little different. Instead of feel-good stories, maybe something that leaves a crumb of bittersweet. Joy with some shadow in it. Don't worry, these stories aren't despairing.

They are stories about the strange mess and pettiness and confusion of being human, and the dark humor to be found there. So ready to find the good in feeling bad? First up, this story from Austin Butterfield, who told this at a Denver Story Slam,

where the theme was happy. Here's Austin, live at the mall. So I walk into my office and all of my stuff is gone. And that seemed unusual.

And so I texted my boss, who happens to also be one of my really good friends, and I said, hey, bud, did I get fired? And he texted back, no. Then the next text said, why do you keep asking me that?

I do ask him that a lot. I just took a picture of my office and sent it to him, and he goes, just sends that one emoji that's like the face with the teeth that's just like, that was it. And then I sent the emoji that was just like, the shruggy shoulder, like, huh?

And he goes, didn't we tell you that the hospital was deciding to give your office to someone else? And I was like, no, no, you didn't. And so I asked him, like, who's taking over my office? and he goes, just someone in the hospital made a new direction.

I was like, okay, you can come live in the basement with us. It's about a 10-minute walk from where you work, but it's fine. And then I found out they gave my office

to the therapy dogs. And that sounds funny, mostly because it is, but it's worse because I'm actually an emergency psychiatrist.

And so, and they're not even real therapy dogs. They're just really cute and friendly golden retrievers. and I metaphorically am a really friendly and hopefully cute golden retriever at least that's what the social workers tell me uh when I tried to tell them when they asked me what bear uh what

animal represents you and I was like I'm a bear and they were like really and they didn't quite get the gay joke they're like no you're like a golden retriever like a really food driven golden retriever. And I was like, oh, okay. So I go to the basement 10 minutes away from the emergency room while I'm trying to help kids in crisis. And even though the, you know, who wasn't helping those

kids in crisis, the therapy dogs. And so I went home that night and I was a little bit salty, which was not very golden retriever. And this was also the time in my life that the other things weren't going really where I was like right in the middle of like the worst breakup. It was six and a half months into the pandemic and my relationship of 12 years had just ended. I was like, oh man,

I need a treat, which didn't help me not feeling like a golden retriever. Cause like, well, some people, their treats are cheesecake and some people, their treat a treat is wine. My treat happens to be Kelly Clarkson videos on YouTube, which is amazing. Kelly Oki. It's look it up. It's good. Uh, cause she sings things. She like

sings Whitney Houston and she's like she wants to dance with somebody I was like you could dance with me Kelly and so I'm watching the videos and if you know YouTube you know that sometimes you have to watch ads and you get the five four three two and you click in the right hand you do pay attention to the ad at all and then you just get to watch more Kelly Clarkson well YouTube in the middle

of the pandemic decided they were going to start making watchful ads and they made me watch 15 second ads I was like that is I don't know if the cost benefit ratio but I want to watch Kelly and so then they made me watch a longer ad

and it was like two and a half minutes I was like this is longer than Kelly singing Alanis Morissette and worse it was an advertisement for straight guy soap

and I was like Google you have all my information for so long TiVo figured out I was gay in 2004 and I know that

because they kept recommending every show on Bravo and I was like you don't know me TiVo I do want to watch that and so

I watched this ad and I'm like, you're oppressing me. You don't even understand. Like, you don't even know me. And I didn't want to like this ad, but then there was

like this funny guy, and I respect comedy. And then they also had this really handsome guy, like Lumberjack Chic, which is like

a fully masculine top, like a button-down flannel. Right? And he goes, he doesn't say anything, which makes it even better.

Just the comedian says things. And so I was like, I'm mad, but I kind of know that I'm not going to be mad because I'm still a golden retriever.

And so, like, then I watch my Kelly Coxon video. I forget about that. And then I keep going. And they make me watch it out again.

And this time I find myself being like, actually, I'm kind of in this. And so I ordered the straight guy soap. And so now I have another treat, aromatherapy.

And I was like, this isn't a CBT, but it feels great. And now, if this is what it smells like to be a straight guy, I'm like kind of rocking it.