Ice Cube

Yo, what's up? My name is Ice Cube. And I feel like I'm about to throw up in my mouth. About my homie coming. About my homie coming. You can't even say my name. You're so disgusted.

I thought you'd feel about being his friend. Wow, that's incredible. Hey there and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I'm blessed with two good friends.

But they're not with us now. There we go. Instead we have Sona Mocession. Hi.

And Pat Gorlak. That makes me feel more comfortable. Yeah, how are you guys? I'm good.

Everyone good? I'm doing all right. How are you doing? I'm doing okay.

I'm doing pretty good. Yeah. You ever wear contacts, Sona? I've been wearing contacts since I was like 12.

I started trying it recently. Yeah, we know. Just out of convenience and I'm doing it more and more now. Yeah.

And I don't know. What was your experience with them? You were struggling at first. My experience...

I struggle because I'm eye phobic. I was fine. I'm eye phobic. I don't like things getting near my eye and then suddenly the people would say, oh, it's

easy. Just jam this onto your eyeball. This reminds me, we were going to do a whole thing where you brought your contacts in and tried to get you to put them in.

Remember we talked about this and we were going to do a follow up. Now I've gotten good, so it wouldn't even be a good segment anymore. Now they come in, they go out, I put them on. What's weird is the one on the right, my right eye is for reading and the left is for slight

correction on the distance. Is that how you read like this? I know. They told me, oh, you get used to it.

Is that what people do or am I being sold a bag of hash? I don't know. I think they had two leftover contact lines. You're saying I got scammed.

They did go, uh. I did notice when I left, everyone was laughing. Yeah, one of them's a colored contact. Yeah, you look like bully.

If I did see you come into my office, I would say anything just to upsell you. So like, I feel like sometimes- And I did a lot of bits that day.

You did, I was there, I know. I don't know, we talked about this, but I went in hot. I was doing so many bits for everybody in the waiting room. I was killing.

And to the point where I just kept wanting to go back out to the waiting room to do more bits. And they were saying, we need to keep, We've just put something in your eye to dilate it.

You've got to settle down. And I'm like, no, no, no, I didn't get that lady in the corner. She's tough, but I'll get her.

It was insanity. Yeah, well, I think that what I'm saying is like, they maybe they did that to you and they don't normally so that both eyes get worse.

So you have to keep going back to the eye doctor's office. Why would they do that? And they know you're like needy and you need to get that woman in the corner.

So you keep going back. She was a plant. And then they keep up selling you. Yes, she's a plant.

They were telling me. They were telling me. Oh, so this is interesting. This is what businesses could start doing.

Putting a plant in whose job is not to laugh at anything. Did you notice the bookshelves were lined with Robert Caro books too? Yeah.

No, have someone who doesn't laugh and I'll just keep coming back to your tire store and buying more winter tires in Los Angeles. You know?

Tractor tires. Yeah, tractor tires, every kind of tire. And that's the trick to get me to come in. They want me to come to their restaurant,

one waiter who just never gives it up. And I'll go back every night, hey, look at this impression. You know, hey, why the chicken cross the road?

Yeah, I would totally upsell you all the time. You're also very trusting. I feel like you just believe people. Okay, do you think that that's,

I'm asking the general community of ophthalmologists, I have one contact on my right eye, which is a completely different strength, magnification than the one on the left.

Is that crazy? And I keep crashing my car now. Well, both eyes are never, not never, but they're not usually the same.

But it's weird that one is for reading and one is not. They made the case that your eye just, your brain figures it out and then you start. Eduardo, you're nodding.

What do you know about this? You want to hear something really hilarious? My ophthalmologist just called me as you guys were having this conversation.

But anyhow, I have to- Let's ask the question. I almost answered so that you could ask the ophthalmologist. But anyhow, no, it's completely normal.

Your brain tricks your eyes into settling, in your case, adjusting to one thing. So this will adjust? Yes, absolutely.

I mean, I think it already kind of has in a way. Did you ever have progressive or bifocals? Because you get used to that too. Yeah, I did.

I got used to that. Okay, so I just wanted to put it out there. Sometimes I like to use the podcast to just discuss my medical maladies

and see if I can get free advice. Yeah, yeah, fact check. Yeah, someone will call in and go, No, actually, you know, that's a pretty wise course of action.

Or else, no, you've been played for a fool. Your eyes are bleeding, we should tell you. Oh, they always bled. They always bled.

Yeah. But I would lie just to make you keep coming back. Like if I was your dentist, I'd be like, you need braces. And then I would sell you braces.

I would like- Just to see me, and giant head gear. Yeah, yeah, yeah, giant head- And I'm like, hold on, I'm gonna cut it right into hand.

And a neck brace and a chest. I don't have a date for the prom. Put your hands up here like this. I'm in my early sixties and I don't have a date for the prom.

What about, well, this is really fascinating. The other thing I thought I could do is get a monocle. Oh God, put it in. Really?

Can you imagine if I had a monocle? Because one of the things, when I got glasses, I was so happy because you can do bits with them. If I had a monocle and had one of those like strings on it

and you know, like Colonel Clink and Huggins hair, I just had a monocle in this eye for reading. But then if anyone said anything slightly shocking, I could drop out, which is, you know.

Just for the bit you want it, you're saying. I want it for the bit.